Mom’s Guide to Sex 3: Thanks, Mom!

I am so glad Mom’s Guide to Sex 3 is just a porn movie and not an actual guide to sex written by my mom. Or any of my friends moms, for that matter, except maybe my friend Ed’s mom, who was hotter than a mom had a right to be, and they had a pool, so there was plenty of opportunity to see her in a bikini, and the one she liked best was either a little too small or she deliberately kept it pulled up a little to reveal these little half-moons of, now that I think about it, she may have been doing that on purpose. And now that I think about that, there’s no way she and Ed’s dad weren’t boning in that pool, except Ed’s dad was not a handsome man by the time I met them. Maybe she was trying to entice one of us? I know Chris asked her out once, long after high school, but she shot him down. Maybe we should have been quicker on the draw. Anyway, it’s too bad Ed’s mom isn’t in this movie. I wonder what lessons she might have had for us.

Marie McCray is looking fantastic, although not as you remember her. She’s a blonde now, and they have more fun, so when she finds Haley Reed tied up in the bed with no-one around, she has a seat on her stepdaughter’s face ? it’s been a long day. She gets off, with Haley’s tongue going crazy on her sweet pussy, but she’s worried about Haley’s relationship with Damien, who ran out on her when he had her tied up and it looked like they were going to get caught. When Haley isn’t in the mood for fucking later on, Marie takes over and helps the boy out, taking his cock out and showing him what a real woman does for her man (hint: pretty much everything). Of course, Haley comes home and catches them, and of course she joins in for a two-blonde fuck-fest that makes you wish you had a stepmother and a girlfriend. Marie is slutty and amazing, and once Haley gets going, you’ll love her too.

Katya Rodriguez is exploring her mother’s lingerie drawer when she gets caught. She and Aiden Starr aren’t even remotely the same size (although they are both delicious sizes), but we can just let that go, since they immediately get to grips. Aiden has some advice for Katya, but she also has some fingers and a tongue and a pussy, and she helps Katya get over the fact that Jake has been losing interest and having stamina problems in the bedroom. Sexy blonde stepmom Aiden has a solution in mind; her domme side (Aiden does a lot of femdom stuff in the kink world) is definitely showing here as she commands Jake not to come even as she hungrily sucks on his dick. Naturally, he can’t hold off, but since Aiden’s advice is for him to jack off every time he’s about to fuck Katya, it’s an object lesson in how to handle premature ejaculation. Katya, taking notes in the background, waits till after the pop and then inveigles him into a threesome with mom. Lucky Jake has no idea that he’s been played, but he doesn’t care, with Aiden on his balls and Katya on his cock. Judging from how bossy Aiden is, I suspect his life is about to become a nightmare, but for now, let’s let him enjoy it. There’s cum-swapping, just so you know.

Rachael Cavalli, who I’m guessing is the stepmom in this equation, says with typical porn logic that there’s no reason her stepson should be having trouble getting girls with a cock like that. Ignoring the fact that the circumstances in which a man can display his cock to women he doesn’t know and not be arrested are very rare, she gives him a good blowjob and advises him to use condoms on tomorrow night’s date with Raquel Diamond. He doesn’t even bother with trying to put one on, but it’s okay because Raquel is scared off by his huge cock (their relationship is unclear, it seems like this is a first date, but Raquel is ready to climb on his dick with about two minutes of foreplay; the truth is that this is just lazy worldbuilding). She flees apologetically; fortunately, there’s a woman around who both has some experience with his cock and knows how to take a big one. Rachael bends over and takes the whole pole, then lubes it up with her own spit and cum so Raquel can take her turn. She also advises Raquel on the finer points of taking a load to the face.

When Dolly Leigh`s friend brings her home drunk and passed out, Alura Jensen thinks he deserves a special thank you; even though her daughter is right there, Alura knows she’s not going to wake up and spoil the fun, no matter how loudly and wetly she gags on the cock. Sure enough, the busty blonde gets all the way through the sloppy blowjob without waking Dolly, swallowing the load. Alura doesn’t have any boundaries, so when Dylan comes over for a first date, Alura likes the cut of his jib and deals out a handjob while Dolly is getting her makeup done. Dylan proves to be a hit with her daughter, and later when he’s over helping make dinner, Alura teases him in the kitchen until they get caught; the usual hijinks ensue, and I have to say that although giant-fake-titted porn blondes are not usually my bag, Alura Jensen is kind of hilarious in this movie. Of all the women in Mom’s Guide top Sex 3, she’s the one I most want to tell me her views on fucking. Just pay attention to her during the action (Sample Dialogue 1: Dylan: “You’ve got a strong arm.”  Alura: “Well, I was in the Navy.”  Sample Dialogue 2: “That’s cute, precious. You think that’s the first time someone’s put a hand on the back of my head?”). I’m in, Alura.