Year In Review: Editors Picks 2014
Our criteria for choosing 2014’s Dirties was simple: As most of our pornographers have produced dozens of movies this year, we wanted films that could start you on a merry path to their other work, as well as give you a representative sampling of the best this bustling industry has to offer. Funny, sexy, crazy, educational, and/or envelope-pushing, these movies are worth watching.
#10. ‘Rogue Adventures 40’
If the “Star Wars” or James Bond or Batman franchises were on their fortieth iterations and they still not only looked good but were getting progressively and steadily better in both appearance and content, this world would be a better place. Joey Silvera is achieving just that with the Rogue Adventures series. Hard as it may be to imagine it, he’s been at the transsexual porn game for sixteen years now, and he hasn’t made a misstep yet; “Rogue Adventures 40” is just the latest in a series that consistently features the best-looking trans-girls, with a perfect mixture of established stars, rising stars and fresh one-timers who you might, regrettably, never see again. Silvera does a great job of presenting transsexuals with both women and men, offering something for everyone, and he stays away from power games, presenting a picture of healthy, well-adjusted people who just like to have sex.
High point: Julie Berdu out on the street, and then indoors.
Buy: ‘Rogue Adventures 40′
#9. ‘Cape Fear XXX’
Porn is rife with parodies, most of which are nothing more than half-assed opportunism shooting for a quick buck by trading on a hot mainstream property, but “Cape Fear XXX” is something more. It aspires. it’s a genuine attempt to bring a porn sensibility to a real movie, and as such it stands pretty much alone. Sometimes it stumbles, sometimes it sells its inspiration short, but it’s trying something new, and deserves to be rewarded for it. A surprising dramatic turn from industry darling (also my own personal darling) and first time director Bonnie Rotten – possibly the only female porn star who could have carried off the role of the menacing and crazy-but-understandable Max Cady – is just the most obvious of its virtues (also witness a solid performance by Chanel Preston). It’s not perfect, but it is ambitious and – ironically – original.
High point: Director and star Bonnie Rotten’s insane Max Cady, smoking hot and spouting lunatic pronouncements and threats from beginning to end.
Buy: ‘Cape Fear XXX’
#8. ‘Vampire Cheerleaders’
To steal a line from “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and Samuel Johnson, when you’re tired of Joanna Angel, you’re tired of life; the virtues of “Vampire Cheerleaders” are the virtues of all her movies. Her brand of infectious charm never gets old – all of her movies are ridiculous, low-budget romps that make up in energy and goofiness whatever they may lack in special effects or credibility. They never lack anything in hotness, though – Angel’s cadre of porn-punk pals invariably ham it up and chew scenery ferociously, but they never skimp on the dirty; “Vampire Cheerleaders” is no exception, being the tale of four vampire cheerleaders who have been best friends, fucking and eating high school boys for eight hundred years without ever making it to the State finals. Joanna is joined by, among others, Jessie Lee, the delicious Krissie Dee, and Tommy Pistol as a sad-sack teen wolf, in this delightful gore- and fuck-fest.
High point: the big five-punk-vampire orgy at the end.
#7. ‘The Lesbian Cooking Show’
As far as I’m concerned, “The Lesbian Cooking Show” was the best all-girl movie of the year. With the exception of dick – say what you will about what it means about me, but I prefer both genders in my movies, whatever they’re doing – it has everything a porn movie should have. It has hot girls with nice bodies in it, it’s clearly and well-shot, and it’s fun and whimsical. It is lighthearted where it should be and sexy where it should be, and you could even say that it has some redeeming social value in that there is actual cooking in it. You could, just barely, produce your own food from the lessons taught, and maybe have sex with your own lesbians. It represents a refreshing change from the movies where the players clearly have no idea how to use the implements they’re holding, and these girls all look like they really enjoy what they’re doing. Who could ask for anything more?
High point: Jessica Ryan and Allison Moore in matching gingham aprons making apple dumplings.
#6. The Baron’s Whores
This stylish gem from our friend Gazzman finds a jet-setting porn baron reflecting on a lifetime of decadence, bookended by a mother-daughter cock-loving team played by the crazy-making Valentina Nappi. There is plenty of anal in this Euro feature that also includes welcome appearances by Americans Dani Daniels and Ash Hollywood.
Buy: The Baron’s Whores
#5. Game of Bones
If you expected the line ?Winter is coming all over your face,? you will not be disappointed. There are parodies that are serious takes on their subject matter, played straight, or loving homages to a childhood standard, and there are half-assed crapfests that just throw a pun on the boxcover and leave it at that. ?Game of Bones? (Woodrocket/Zero Tolerance) is a third thing: directed by the smart and amiable Lee Roy Myers, it is definitely a cashing in, but just as much a fond nod to something that the director and probably a lot of the actors really enjoy. The cast is not composed of top-drawer actors, but it is definitely rich in people with a sense of humor who don?t feel like goofing off is below their dignity. Dana DeArmond and the always shameless, always delightful Tommy Pistol in particular make this a really fun movie to watch; with enough in-jokes to satisfy fans of the show but not so many as to put off someone who hasn?t seen it at all, “Game of Bones” is definitely a must-see.
Buy: Game of Bones
#4. My Hotwife’s Lover
Excellent performances abound in this movie (my close favorite is Chanel Preston’s), written by Jacky St. James and co-directed by St. James and Eddie Powell. A perfect example of what strong, fun-loving porn actors can do with a good script, “My Hotwife’s Lover” also shines a light on the new trend of hotwifing, in which a husband controls his spouse’s extramarital flings.
Buy: My Hotwife’s Lover
#3. Killers
“Killers” might not be as giddy as “Vampire Cheerleaders,” as trans-gressive as “Rogue Adventures,” or as elegant as “The Baron’s Whores,” but JacktheZIPPER’s 13th movie is a gem of a porn film that delivers a great snapshot of the time it was created. “I feel like I’ve been having a conversation with Skin Diamond over the past two years?I feel honored to have captured this moment in her life,” said Mr. theZIPPER when we talked with him earlier this year, and you will want to as well. With stellar and deranged performances by Nacho Vidal and the terrifyingly sexy Joslyn James, Maya Hills, and Xander Corvus, “Killers” is worth owning and screening for that special someone who doesn’t get why you like porn so much.
Buy: Killers
#2. ‘I Came on James Deen’s Face’
“I Came on James Deen’s Face” isn’t an educational movie, but you can learn a lot from it. I went into it as a James Deen hater and came out the other side with a grudging admiration for what he has done here. Even judged on a scale apart from my “low expectations surpassed” one, this is a success, and everyone should watch it. Leaving aside the fact that it never devolves into James Deen getting off aftr a little pussy-eating – there is no reciprocation here, which alone puts it head and shoulders above almost everything in its class – this is, pure and simple, a movie about paying attention, taking care of your partner, and being generous, and while porn is often not terribly reflective of the way things are in the real world, I Came on James Deen’s Face is a solid, enjoyable picture of the way things should be, which is even more rare.
High point: listening to the girls give directions and feedback, and knowing that James Deen is reacting to that.
#1. Hollywood Babylon
We can speculate about why Dana Vespoli is our favorite director and Sovereign Syre her muse of fire. Is it because both of them are so goddamn smart? Maybe, but sometimes smart gets in the way of a good porn movie. Is it because Vespoli was and remains such a fearless, spirited performer? Perhaps, but passion sometimes doesn’t translate onto film. I think it has to do with the confidence to be vulnerable, and how sexy that can be.
In “Hollywood Babylon,” Sovereign Syre plays Nomi, a starry-eyed Hollywood wannabe caught up in a murder case. It’s a porn-budget noir in sun-bleached, deadening Los Angeles with stellar performances all around. In addition to the lovely, easily-bruised Syre, there’s Steven St. Croix as her plastic surgeon. “I am your father,” he says to his new, machine-crafted creation.
We won’t spoil the ending because “Hollywood Babylon” doesn’t end the way porn movies usually do, even though the movie is often a perfect Porn Valley allegory. In casting Syre, who is beautiful and older than your average porn siren, beautiful and not in possession of weapons-grade porn bolt-ons, beautiful and lined, beautiful and not taut like a drum, Vespoli underlines the gap between dreams and reality in Hollywood as well as the lies aspiring actors tell themselves and other people.
Even as Nomi gives a police interview, narrating her dream version of what actually happened, we think with some discomfort about how attractive we often find the self-deluding. “Hollywood Babylon” is our favorite movie this year because the doorway into sex is often more important than the sex itself.
Buy: Hollywood Babylon
