I wonder what the Virgin Mary would have thought of Kalina Ryu.

Recently a friend sent me a text. It was one of those occasions when I and a group of people were at lunch and we’d piled our phones in the middle of the table so that we wouldn’t use them. Mine was on the top because I am a dominant, aggressive person. I am also stupid. Because when the text came in I had forgotten to disable the function on the phone where it displays the picture for everyone to see rather than simply alerting me to the fact that I had a new message.

The picture seemed to be of an angel, an ecstatic woman in a halo. I reached for the phone (Stupid times two because that meant I had to pay for the meal) and realized that the ecstatic woman was Korean-American porn performer Kalina Ryu (star of Jonni Darkko`s Kalina Ryu: Asian Fuck Doll) and the halo was a ring of cocks from her recent blowbang.

The moral: When lunching with PTA parents, leave the phone at home.

I spoke with Kalina Ryu at her place in Valley Village. She arrived there by way of Okinawa (she was an Air Force brat), Key West, and Miami.

Kalina Ryu: A friend who was an extra on a Bang Bros movie [in Florida] asked me if I wanted to come along. It was something like $200 to be a clothed extra, $500 to be a naked extra, and $900 to get fucked by a girl with a strap-on.

Gram: No wonder people are leaving California. So you had no qualms about being naked?

Kalina: None at all. I’m usually the first girl topless at a boat party, so I thought, “And I get paid for this, too?”

Gram: And one year later, you’re in Porn Valley.

Kalina: Just one year?

Gram: Are “boat parties” a Florida thing? And how did you happen to end up being the topless girl n them?

Kalina: Maybe it is a Florida thing. But I had a strict Christian upbringing. My mom was very strict, but my dad kept Playboys in his car. I never thought thee was anything wrong with it. In general I was very sheltered but when I was 16 and could drive — and think for myself — the pendulum just swung the other way.

Gram: In terms of people who know about this aspect of your life?

Kalina: Well, I love my parents, and my parents love me, and I am 29-some of my friends from school know, and some girls from home were mean. Then there’s church people trying to get me to come back?

Gram: I’m sorry. Porn is such a public statement a break that has already taken place years before, usually?

Kalina: Yeah. But what’s weird is that I saw [documentary] After Porn Ends before I got into porn. To me there wasn’t a change between who I was beforehand and who I am now.

Gram: How so?

Kalina: There were no gloryholes or gangbangs until I got into porn — I mean, I don’t want to seem boring!  but there were girlfriends inviting me into threesomes before and I didn’t want to destroy the friendship.

Gram: So porn allows a certain freedom that might get too complicated if your practiced it in your private life?

Kalina: Yes, and I’m 29 so I know what I’m talking about.

Gram: I think your not being 18 is one of the coolest things about you. But that picture from Asian Fuck Doll makes you look a lot younger. It seems joyous.

Kalina: Oh, I just thought it was all so funny. I’m lying on the floor laughing! Someone said, “No one wants to have their dick laughed at,” but I wasn’t. It was just so fun.

[To watch the scene is to see a downright gleeful Ryu get all messy on a series of green towels.]

Gram: Were you a porn scholar before you got in?

Kalina: I haven’t watched much porn at all. Would it be smart to do some research?

Gram: I imagine you’ve got the hang of it. It?s fun, though, that you are an ingenue at 29.

Kalina: Well, I was the type of girl who made my Barbies have sex?

Gram: What has your experience been as a porn “Asian”?

Kalina: Well I’m red, white, and blue all day long, but I will let you know I’m Korean. It’s a very big part of me. I’ll tell you that if I weren’t Asian I wouldn’t get work in porn! Let’s see, I’ve done a movie called Asian Tug Jobs as well as Jonni’s movie?

Gram: How did you decide on a name?

Kalina: I knew a girl with [an alternate spelling of my name] from school. I thought her name was so unique.

Gram: Does she know?

Kalina: Yes! I told her, “Surprise! You haven’t seen me in ten years!” But she was honored.

Gram: You had a decade’s worth of adult experiences before porn. Was that helpful in planning your porn career?

Kalina: I was an Advertising major in the Mass Communications department at college (though I was previously Pre-Pharm, because my parents wanted it. Sorry/Not Sorry) and the plan is to be smart, save money, and invest, even though porn is a big party and I’m here for the experience. Afterward I want to paint my pornstar girlfriends.

Gram: So it seems like porn is a natural extension of your personality and the bigger adjustment is moving from Florida.

Kalina: If I have to put on shoes, I’m upset.

Kalina Ryu appeared in My First Creampie 2