Exclusive VOD Release: The Lesbian Cooking Show

By: P. Weasels

The Lesbian Cooking Show Movie Details

Title: The Lesbian Cooking Show
Studio: Girl Co.
Director: Rick Rage
Stars: Aleska Nicole, Emy Reyes, Jessica Ryan, Luna Star, Vicki Chase
Overall Rating: 3 stars

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Just the other day I was saying that fucking in the kitchen seems like a dicey proposition, elbow and knee-wise, and here is The Lesbian Cooking Show is a movie that features nothing but kitchen sex! My joints wince at the very thought, but I am not as well-padded as a lot of lesbians (is that why people say a woman’s place is in the kitchen? are they better equipped to deal with the sharp edges and cold hard surfaces?). Also, I was just saying that there’s not much that’s funnier than women in porn pretending to wield instruments (like hammers and guitars) that they clearly have no idea how to use, and here is a movie – I am just going to say up front here that this is awesome where the lesbians appear to be actually cooking. Now, my cooking experience is limited, to the point where I am about as well qualified to tell if this is really how you cook as I am to judge whether the lesbian activity is genuine (these are two processes I have rarely been a part of), but I think if I had a kitchen right here, I might be able to reproduce these results (the cooking results= my lesbian activity is never going to look like this).

Scene 1: Redhead Jessica Ryan and brunette Allison Moore are setting out to show us how to make good old-fashioned apple dumplings; dressed in matching blue gingham aprons and sporting matching hairstyles that I am assured by a straight white man and a bald black woman are called pigtails, even though they are not curly, the girls (who look like they have had a few more apple dumplings than the average waifish porn star) proceed to actually make apple dumplings. The process takes up, no kidding, ten minutes of screen time, and it is a brilliant idea. The girls flirt and tease and caress each other, turning up the heat as the dumplings get closer and closer to fruition, and when the pastries finally go in the oven with forty-five minutes to cook, the girls get into the lesbian part of the show. Appealingly curvy, charmingly giggly and clearly into each other, Jessica and Allison use their fingers and tongues, as well as a few other kitchen implements, to pass the time until the delicious dumplings come out.

Scene 2: Emy Reyes and Vicky Chase

Emy Reyes (in the black lingerie) and Vicky Chase (in the pink) are going to produce, in between bouts of licking, a pineapple upside down cake. Emy, a curvy Latina, is busting out of her teddy, and Vicki can’t keep her hands to herself (nor would you). They spend a seriously respectable time making the dessert before they get down to business. The mixing process takes longer, because these two keep stopping to make out and play with each other, and as soon as the cake is in the oven, they pull out a little vibrator (later retired in favor of a big Hitachi-style vibe) and repair to a clean surface (the surfaces are pretty much all clean this is a well-kept kitchen) to use the leftover ingredients on the way to getting each other off. There is some potentially nasty yeast-infection-causing activity here, but it looks really sexy, and if they are willing to deal with the consequences, well, who am I to judge what goes on in the privacy of someone else’s kitchen?

Scene 3: Sami St. Clair and Katerina Kay are making a luscious chocolate trifle for us. I am sad, because this is the first thing on the menu that I have wanted to eat, but Sami and Katerina don’t appeal to me. They seem like a pair of cookie-cutter porn blondes who I couldn’t pick out of a lineup unless the rest of that lineup were the New York Knicks. If that is to your taste, you’ll enjoy the trifle scene, but these two are a pair of annoyingly high-pitched gigglers, and the shrillness of it wore on me really quickly. They also, and I can’t stress how odd I find it that this is an issue for me, don’t seem like they can cook. They just assemble some ingredients, and come on! I can do that myself, I don’t come to a Lesbian Cooking show to see things I already know how to do. Once the trifle is assembled there is no cooking time because the brownies were prepared in advance! They use it to make each other much tastier than nature originally did

Scene 4: Luna Star and Aleksa Nicolea> Luna Star and Aleksa Nicole are making a sweet banana flame, which I want no part of because it has bananas in it, but those of you who don’t mind a banana will probably enjoy their segment (as did I it takes more than a banana to put me off a couple of hot girls). The two are adorable; Luna, a native of Cuba, gamely but charmingly butchers the ingredient list (Now here we have four teaspoons of brown sugar and a half of teaspoon cinnamon!?) and both of them are hamming it up like crazy the whole time. They’re almost cartoon Latinas, but the just-slightly-loony timbre of the whole concept makes it endearingly goofy. Both of them are brown, curvy and delicious, decked out in matching pink see-through Kiss the Cook aprons, with pasties on their nipples. They turn the lights out when the flame is ready, but bring them back up when it’s time to abandon the food and dive into each other, which they do with tremendous enthusiasm, having been barely able to restrain themselves through the whole cooking part. They do bring out one little vibe but mostly enjoy each other au naturel.

Purchase The Lesbian Cooking Show


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